Hey, I'm allowed to feel crappy sometimes! Not every day can be perfect :P

I am getting so close to going on maternity leave; 9 work days left! It's pretty wild how quickly time is passing this month. Less than one month until Christmas as well, which I am super excited for (as always). I have a good amount of money saved up to get me by until my EI kicks in (HOPEFULLY, it should only take 1 month to receive my first cheque) as long as I take it easy spending money. Easier said than done this time of year, that's for sure. There is so much that I need to buy this pay...yikes! The only gifts I will be buying this year are as follows:

• Chris (done)
• My mom & dad (done)
• My brother & sister-in-law
• 1 gift each for my 3 nephews

We're giving everyone gift cards (except for Maddux, of course, because he's 2)...it's just a lot more convenient for us right now with how busy we are. One day we'll be able to do Christmas "right", but for now we can only afford what we can afford. Christmas isn't even about the gifts, it's about family time, but I would feel awful if I didn't get anything for anyone! Thankfully Chris' family doesn't exchange gifts, so that's one less thing to worry about. In fact, they cancelled Christmas this year so I'm not even sure if we'll see his mom & step dad at all (though that would be nice, who knows). 

Aside from all of these SUPER EXCITING money plans (lol, right!), life is alright. My low back has been acting up BIG TIME since Saturday. The pain is so intense that I can't really walk more than a few feet, so I've been stuck with my feet up and a heating pad or ice pack on my low back all weekend. I tried so hard to get housework done, but the pain was so intense that I honestly wanted to scream every time I took a step and eventually couldn't even walk. LAME. I'm going to the chiropractor tonight for some acupuncture and an adjustment, so hopefully that helps a bit.

Another thing....I have felt absolutely AWFUL this week (I know, it's only Tuesday). I'm not sleeping, I feel nauseated, have a headache and generally just want to take a Diclectin, sip on some gingerale and lay on my couch with an ice pack on my forehead. I woke up yesterday feeling like I got hit by a truck, for a lack of better explanation. I'm not sure if I feel so nauseated and have a headache because I'm not sleeping through the night, or if I've come down with a flu or something (AGAIN). I can't wait to get out of this place! There is always a flu or cold circulating this time of year, and everyone just gets sick over and over all winter. Even the GM at my work, who NEVER EVER takes sick time is off today because she's deathly ill. 

I'm praying to god that my immune system can fight off any colds/flus for the next 2 weeks because once I'm off I won't be exposed to that kind of thing ever and won't have to worry about getting sick. My plan is to quarantine myself until after the baby is born and hope to god I don't get a nasty stomach flu like I have the past 2 years. If I got the stomach flu while I was pregnant, I would demand to be hospitalized because it would be SO dangerous for the baby to go through that.

LIVE IN THE NOW!

I'm being asked quite a lot lately if I'm excited to go on maternity leave and if I have started my count down. In all honesty I'm trying not to think about it because I tend to stress and feel anxious about...basically everything. While I do allow myself the occasional daydream about birth, motherhood and being off work for an entire year...I can't think about it too much, because I'll get scared. My future is a giant, glowing, exciting, terrifying question mark right now! My life is going to change in such a drastic way and I'm both excited and scared. So much love and exhaustion coming my way.

This month has been absolutely kick ass. I can't pinpoint a specific reason, it just has been. I'm happy, I'm healthy and I'm growing a little boy that is going to be the light of my life! That being said, my belly is starting to get huge and heavy and my low back is definitely starting to feel the pressure from the weight gain in such a specific area. You know what that means? Time to see the chiropractor and to book a massage. I have 4 or 5 free massages left this year and you better believe I intend on using each and every one of them! December is all about relaxation.

I'm feeling positive and happy lately, which has turned me in to a magnet for good things. The happier I am, the better I feel on every level. The true test of my patience and state of mind is my place of work. When I'm feeling low, work really gets to me. It makes me angry, bitter, stressed and anxious all at once. Right now everything is just rolling off my back and I refuse to stress for even one minute because everything will work out. The universe is on my side! When you don't allow the negative thoughts to get to you, good things become inevitable. Even bad situations aren't so bad because your outlook on life is this absolutely unshakable. 

The one thing that I truly and honestly need to start working on is meditating. Yoga and meditation have always been key in grounding me even at my lowest points. Meditation is so key to clearing my mind, and bringing my spirits up. Prenatal yoga is a funny thing...I find myself going through almost my entire class with my eyes closed, so focused on engaging all of the right parts of my body and mind. The way I move is a bit different right now, accommodating for my growing belly and less-than-strong muscles, and that is ok! It is very meditative for me now because it is not as physically strenuous as I am used to, which is lovely. I do, however, need to work on meditating daily, even just for 5 or 10 minutes. 

Life is Funny

“The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.” 

- Louis C.K. 

After such an awful  and challenging month of October, I am shocked at how wonderfully the month of November has treated me thus far! I am truly grateful for my family, friends, hubby, my body and whatever higher power that may exist that has blessed me with this wonderful life! Thank you a million times. I am so grateful and so incredibly blessed.

November has been fantastic for a variety of reasons.

• My neck pain is gone! Woo!
• My headaches are back to normal. They're infrequent, and I can directly link them to a trigger (too much tv/internet, sugar, caffeine, hunger, exhaustion). If I take Tylenol and put some ice on my head, it fades within minutes. Most of the time I only use the ice, unless it's a doozy of a headache.
• Our new place is kick ass. I love it! The downfall to renting is that unless the home owner soundproofs the crap out of the basement apartment, then it's impossible to never hear your neighbors. Overall, they're not too loud at all. It's not forever, anyways! We will (hopefully) be able to afford a house in the next few years. Positive thinking!!
• I am in awesome spirits! I am very very happy overall.
• Work has been way more pleasant because I'm in a good mood and my time here is coming to an end (20 more work days!!!!). I started training my replacement last Wednesday, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, so that makes time flyyyyy by during the 3 days a week she is here. One whole month of working with her for 3 days out of my work week...exciting! :)
• I am both nervous and excited to be off work one month before my due date. Money will be a little tight, but we will manage! I'm saving as much money as possible beforehand so that I don't stress about only being paid 55% of what I'm used to. That being said, I am very lucky that the Canadian government pays anything at all for one year of maternity leave! Blessed to be Canadian, as always. Getting one whole year with my little guy while also getting a paycheck (albeit a small one) is wonderful!

xoxo,

Meghan

New Month, New Beginning!

We are officially moved out of our last EVER basement apartment! HOORAY! On to bigger and brighter things....literally. This apartment is way bigger and full of giant windows. I am so excited about lots of natural sun light, more space, more storage, a dishwasher, our own washer & dryer, new decorating possibilities....all of it! A lot of work, but it will pay off because we intend on this being our last home before we purchase our first house. Thankfully the fur babies are adjusting well and seem to like their new home!

I have been really happy since Saturday. Obviously moving is a bit stressful, but overall...super happy. Hormones are a funny thing! October was really difficult for me emotionally and physically. I really don't know what happened to my neck, but all of October was agonizingly painful for me. The pain was constant and unwavering, and resulted in a lot of headaches and crying.

November is a new month! I am being positive, thankful and I am certain that good things will come my way. My honey and I are moved in to our new home where we'll be welcoming an awesome new addition in early January (please don't be early, little guy. Mommy and daddy need time to adjust in this new living space, get a lot of painting done and make it in to a cozy little home before you arrive!), which is scary and exciting all at once!

November is dedicated to cultivating happiness. I am doing my best to be healthy in every way. Emotionally, I need to be more positive, patient, optimistic and happy over all for both myself and my baby. Physically I need to be more active (there is only so much that I can do at 30 weeks pregnant, but walking and yoga are definitely great!) and fill my body with tons of nutrient rich foods and as much water as I can drink. While I am perfectly okay with treating myself occasionally, I need to stop treating myself to chips or sweets daily.

All of this is completely do-able. I have so much hope for myself and what's to come in the future. We're doing our first big grocery trip in several weeks in the morning, and I will load our fridge and freezer up with fruit, greens and all kinds of delicious foods. Cooking will be something that I must do daily, and I'll cook a lot so that we can take leftovers for lunch most days. The more often I cook, the less I'll spend on Subway (mm....I love Subway).

Great things coming!

'Gratitude is my only attitude."

I have been working through Gabrielle Bernstein's "May Cause Miracles" this week in hopes that I can be a better person for myself, my son, my hubby..everyone in my life. Mostly for me, though, if we're being honest (and there's nothing wrong with that). Constant pessimism, negativity, anger, frustration, irritation, lack of patience and feeling less than super happy on a daily basis is so difficult and draining.

Today's affirmation is "Gratitude is my only attitude", and it is so tough for me right now! My neck pain has reached an absolutely draining, agonizing level. I am in constant pain, probably an 8/10 on my pain scale. The only time that I feel "ok" is when I am laying down with a heating pad on my neck. Not even sleeping is restful anymore, because sleeping seems to re-aggravate the pain every single night. I'm slowly losing my mind, quite honestly. Maybe if I could take something for the pain, it would be more bearable but seeing as I can't, I feel pretty hopeless lately.

I digress...

What am I grateful for:

• Being alive.
• My body is strong. Though I may feel so weak and in pain right now, I AM GROWING A HUMAN BEING. It is difficult, and that's life. He'll be here at least by January 9, so it's only temporary. 
• My supportive, wonderful and generally amazing boyfriend (and partner in life) who is so full of love for me and kindness. He makes life so much better.
• My loving, helpful and kind family. I love them so much.
• I have a well-paying job with good benefits, and I will get at least half my pay for an entire year while I'm on maternity leave.
• Being able to take an extra month off for maternity leave to relax, rest my sore body, prepare for the baby and generally just clear my head.
• Being able to spend just under a year with my baby.
• My hubby being so supportive of me wanting to go back to school while I'm off (online courses), so that I can get out of this job and move on to something that I actually enjoy.

I am thankful for so many things. I need to push through the pain and constantly remind myself why I am lucky and why I should be grateful instead of angry and sad.

Difficult Questions

I found these questions in an article I read on Mind Body Green. They're tough! But here goes...

1. What makes me feel free and most alive?  I feel free and most alive on my yoga mat. I am able to close my eyes and forget about everything except for the asanas the teacher is leading us through. I love it so much. 
2. How do I like to spend time with people I care about? I like to spend time with people I care about without distractions. I am a homebody and an introvert, so it takes a lot of effort for me to go out and spend time with people, even if I love them to bits and enjoy their company immensely. My favourite things to do with my girlfriends is going out for tea or window shopping. I like to just sit around and talk with my family, and I see them quite often (they live super close and we're all very close knit)
3. What sparks my passion and revs up my enthusiasm? How could I spend hours (if not days) doing ____ and actually lose track of time? I must admit...I have been very stagnant over the past year. I am passionate about crafting, DIY, beautifying my living space, finding "green" (natural) remedies for everything including beauty and cleaning.
4. How would I ideally like to spend my week, days, and weekends? I would ideally like to spend my week days working at a job that I enjoy, inspires me or at bare minimum I do not dislike. My week nights, I would like to spend NOT exhausted so that I can be productive, laugh, spend time with friends and loved ones. My weekends are my favourite time, ever. I enjoy spending my weekends doing a mixture of relaxing, cleaning, spending time with loved ones and maybe getting some neat stuff done like crafts or what have you. It rarely works out that way.
5. What would my ideal work place be? Who would I work with (if anyone)? My ideal work place is in a relaxing, creative environment with like-minded individuals. Whether I work at a wellness center, yoga studio or one day have my own business.
6. What ways do I actually enjoy moving my body? I predominantly enjoy practicing yoga but I also enjoy walking. 
7. What helps me feel relaxed and joyful? To feel relaxed and joyful, I need a clear head. Life has been difficult for me lately, and my brain is clouded with negativity, doubt and worry. Meditation, cuddling with my hubby, daydreaming about what life will be like with my little guy, yoga and laughing with friends relaxes me and makes me feel happy.
8. How do I most enjoy helping others? I enjoy making people happy, but it is very difficult to do that when I do not feel happy myself. Oddly, when I am feeling low...I am compelled to do things for others. I help people the best I can, and it varies with everyone. Cooking, cleaning, buying them something they love, telling them about something that they would love/enjoy/use or what have you.

Natural Healing

"Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt

After weeks of awful neck pain and headaches, I finally saw my chiropractor. We discussed my options, which are currently all medication-free and the idea of acupuncture came up. Without hesitation I said that I would like both acupuncture and an adjustment; I immediately felt anxious. Needles do not bother me, but I was worried about how I would feel after the acupuncture (nauseated, dizzy, etc).

The experience itself was alright. The needles are as fine as a human hair, so I didn't feel them go in or come out. They were placed all over my neck, one on the crown of my head, one in my right hand and one on my right forearm (that last one made my arm jump involuntarily!). As soon as I was left alone with my thoughts, I focused on my breathing and began to meditate. While I wouldn't call the experience relaxing, it was not at all unpleasant. My neck was gently massaged and adjusted shortly afterward, which loosened my neck up so much! I felt much more relaxed afterward.

I FINALLY slept well. Oh my goodness..I can't even describe to you how happy I am that I slept through the night. My neck is quite sore still, but it definitely feels better and more loose. My only real complaint is that my right hand & forearm are quite sore where the needles were; I'm told that's normal, though. I scheduled another acupuncture session and chiropractic adjustment for Saturday morning after my glucose screening (blood work). I think that as long as I eat between my blood work and acupuncture that I will feel ok. I will definitely need a nap afterward. Next week I'm going to get a massage as well, and those always help.